8-MAY-2006 AUDITION

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I was a complete nincompoop.

The first time i doubted myself was when my alarm went off at 3:55am.

The next time i doubted myself was when my alarm went off at 4:05am.

Nevertheless, I got up and proceeded to sit in the cold, cold air of 5am.

There were freaks all around me.

I saw a girl walking around in a ball dress and shortly after, made some comments about it.

My sister said not to think that way, because maybe its the warmest thing she owns and shes wearing it out of practicality.

Oh how we laughed.

We didnt realise she was sitting directly behind us.

Whoops.

There was also a guy wearing a dinosaur head,

It was quite odd until he put on the rest of the body.

Then he progressed to hitting everything with his tail,

Which I choose to believe was his attempt to mimic a real life dinosaur,

who I think would also have hit anything and everything with their tails.

I know I would if I had a tail.

There wouldnt be a honky nut on this earth that felt safe.

I would walk everywhere just to hit empty cans down the street with my lovely, lovely tail.

Everyone would be jealous.

Not that I could sit in a conventional car seat.

I digressed.

After a long time sitting and chatting to strangers in the cold pre-sunrise morning,

It was time.

Hordes of us went up the escalators to join the conventional queue, gripping our forms as though our lives depended on them.

Unfortunately, the queue stretched all the way from the registration desk to the top of the escalator.

But people kept getting on down the bottom.

STOP! I yelled.

But they did not stop.

They continued to grip their forms and board the escalator.

But there was no room for them when they completed their escalator ride.

Imagine it, sixty people all crammed into a 3x2m area at the top of the electric stairs.

I bet they wished theyd listened to me when I yelled stop, let me tell you.

I know I did.

Wish theyd listened that is.

So.

I was given a number.

I waited.

And waited.

I was oh-so patient.

And then, my number was called.

I went up some more electric stairs.

Thankfully, there were no hordes this time.

I was expecting a room where I could warm up.

There were none.

In fact, there were signs telling me to be quiet.

When I got there I played a game of musical chairs.

But there was no music, because we had to be quiet.

I went up some more stairs.

They were not electric.

Probably because theyd be too noisy.

I was ushered into a room where two familiar looking people were sitting.

I lookd at them with my "I've been awake since 4am" face.

But I added a smile.

I opened my mouth and didnt make any nice noises.

I closed my eyes to try and somehow improve the sound.

Didnt work.

I stopped singing so Id stop embarrassing myself any further.

I thought about grabbing my form and eating it so they couldnt show me on TV.

The thought of the paper damaging my throat further than the environmental circumstances already had as it scratched its way down stopped me.

I thought about explaining that I would never have come if Id ever sounded that bad ever before.

But I didnt want to be one of those freaks who say they can sing really.

Nobody ever believes them.

And they look like even huger nincompoops.

And Im not really one of them.

Excluding yesterday of course.

What a day at the Australian Idol auditions.

Perhaps Ill write a song about the horrible experience and sing it next year

Because I can sing really.

Or maybe Ill work on growing that tail.