15-april-2010 BABY

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week my friend Simone had a baby girl J

Although I haven’t met her yet, I suspect she is enormous,

Due to the girth she made Simone’s belly grow.

I’m honestly not sure if she’ll fit in the hospital cradle.

And I’m not just saying that because she kicked me once.

Well, maybe.

So.

I’m going to have to hold a baby.

Eep.

I suppose holding Kevin bunny will have been good training,

Surely a newborn won’t wriggle and scratch as much as that?

At least, I reeeally hope not, because I always drop Kevin.

She also won’t leave me covered in sneezy fur.

Although there was a time I was referring to the little one as wolf-baby…

And if she is covered in fur, I may drop her in shock…

So lets hope she also isn’t hairy.

I'll write a disclaimer in the card:

“Before allowing me to hold the baby,

be warned that if the baby is covered in hair or wriggles as much as a bunny,

she may be dropped.”

That should do it.

Now…

What to say about a newborn?

“Adorable” doesn’t quite fit a wrinkly, gummy, crying, puffy-eyed being…

And Simone already warned us about using the word “precious”.

I think I’ll go with “tiny” and “just like you”,

Parents love to hear their offspring bear resemblance to themselves…

Although it does mean I’ll be telling them they look like wrinkly, gummy, crying, puffy-eyed beings.

“she looks just like you, and on another note,

I think you look like a pinker version of Jabba the Hutt.”

No, that’s not right.

I know, “she’s going to look just like you”

Done hehe J

In all seriousness, congratulations Simone and Clint,

I look forward to sharing many special moments with you and (a soon to be adorable) Jade!!!

9-april-2010 FOOD

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I spent some time in the kitchen,

Where I’m supposed to be.

These are the steps I took:

When buying the veg,

Remember celery sell early and the best option for pak choys is the pack choice.

Don’t buy squashed squash.

When you meet the meat section,

If the price of the salarmi’s alarming,

Carry on with other carrion,

Such as well chopped chops.

Make sure the oven is on for the venison.

Tip: when you wash the spinach it dries quicker if you spin actually

When the beans have been cooked

Smother in some well sourced sauce.

(Nan likes burnt butter sauce but her cholesterol is too high).

Season the meat with sea sunned salt,

Prepared pepper and chilli if it’s still too chilly.

If you have time sprinkle thyme and Oregon or egg on.

Egg is not actually recommended.

To begin dessert, take out a bored board,

Give an apple a pull from the fruit basket along with plump plums and a pair of pears chopping it all with a paring knife.

Add a little cinnamon so it’s in among the fruit

Keep it stirred sturdily for 10 seconds.

Pour puréed paw paw over top

Then make some pastry and pay strict attention so it’s kneaded as needed.

Enjoy!

But if you get coughy drinking coffee,

Cover your mouth so you don’t get phlegm on the lemon.

No one likes that.

10-march-2010 BEER

This week, in the world of Lisa...

this week i wanted an alcoholic beverage.

they wouldnt have a bar of me until i knew what i wanted,

but oh my guiness! the list!

i should have thought about it schooner.

i looked over and over the list to no av-ale.

next thing i know,

this stout man hops in front of me!

just because i hadnt decidered yet doesnt make it ok!

i know i know, i dont have a keg to stand on,

im just still mad that he spilt his drink on me!

it had better not stein.

i finally got my head sorted out but the bar staff didnt realise i was waiting,

so i tapped the bar to pint out i needed service.

after all the troubles,

at yeast i finally had a beer!

cheers :)

2-march-2010 ORIGAMI

This week, in the world of Lisa...

this week i've started to do origami,

but i've found i just dont cut it.

i dont want to seem like a square,

however i've checked out a few books.

theyre all paperback of course.

looking over potential models,

they are graded according to difficulty,

four or more and my chances of completing the model are significantly de-creased.

to get back into it i made a crane,

after folding ~350 for Lyndsay, it was easy

(i had to make more than the required 333 because Kevin bunny liked to eat them,

he'd stork them until i wasnt looking,

which was a Mynah set back).

next i found a design for a rhinocerous beetle,

i dont mean to toot my own horn,

but i dont nose how i managed to finish it.

i also made a simple rabbit model,

which is a good one to sHare,

simple and effective :)

although it might be a bit cannibalistic if i give those to Kevin...

i didnt complete the pig,

it was getting there,

but i think i started with the wrong base so i got boared.

my next project is a triceratops.

unfortunately the first few tries have been tearable,

wish me luck!

2010 FUNGUS

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week Kevin grew a mushroom.

A weird black cup on a thin stem where his poo hay goes.

They’ve never grown there before,

It must have been the last straw.

You may be surprised,

But despite growing in bunny poo,

Its not a shitake* OR a toad stool.

I’m still lichen it J

And I cant find anything similar on the internet,

Ill have to stalk the websites some more.

it was a bit of unexpected excitement anyway,

Can always rely on Kevin for that,

He’s a fun guy and a good spor(e)t,

Always willing to give you the hare off his back

(literally, he’s mouldting).

At any rate, I hope he grows more,

Theres so mushroom left in the hay!

Ill keep you posted J

*thanks for the shitake joke dad, I tip my cap to you for that one! If I didn’t acknowledge your joke I’d feel gillty.

11-january-2010 FALCON

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week the cleaner told me to save a bird.

It was stuck in the outdoor work area,

Trying to escape through a closed window,

Panefully.

So off I went to open the roller door for the little guy,

Only when I looked over,

IT WAS A GIANT FALCON!!!

Looking at me with its pearly-grin and big yellow eyes,

I was in birds eye view.

The cleaner had failed to mention the clause.

So I opened the roller door and all the windows,

Hoping to wing it…

No dice.

The only way to get this bird out was to get closer,

For a moment I though “flock that!”

But the poor thing was so stressed out L

I grabbed a piece of wood and,

Very wary of its huge talons,

Eventually bothered it enough it flew on top of the open roller door.

Birdbrain.

Finally it flew out the way it had come in and he was free as a bird and high as a Kite :)

29-april-2008 LIP DRIP

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week i decided to change my coffee drinking style.

You see, this morning i noticed when i wash my mug after a cuppa,

I mean, my mug after a mugga.

ther there’s an unattractive coffee lip drip on the outside where my lip goes.

I am about to embark on a coffee filled day to discover how to avoid this drip.

Test 1. slippery lip drip

To test “slippery lip” i will apply a sticky lip gloss to my lower lip and drink a mugga.

Complication: no milk.

Overcome: complication milk.

Overzealous lip gloss application complete.

Warning: if replicating this test do not attempt to eat prawn crackers post over-zealous lip gloss application.

Failed: “lip gloss”. Outer coffee mug drip reduced, but replaced with unpleasant sticky residue.

Consumed: 3 teaspoons of coffee (two were in the first mugga of the day), a third of a prawn cracker, 2ml “glaze fruit” lipgloss.

Test 2: mug drip

To test “mug drip” I will drink coffee our of a different mug.

Complication: lack of mug variety.

Operation mug theft complete.

Warning 1: mug theft best accomplished during off-peak times, avoid 8:15am. 10:30am and 2:30pm

Warning 2: theft the mug of a female to ensure a clean mug is obtained.

OvercomeL complication mug.

Failed: “different mug”

Consumed: 4 spoons of coffee, cooties, 2ml lip gloss.

test 3: lip position

To test “lip position” I will drink a mugga with my bottom lip inserted INTO the mug rather than BELOW the mug.

Warning 1: ensure excess lip gloss from test 2 has been removed to avoid chin gloss.

Warning 2: careful of freshly made coffee, its rather hot and burny.

Complication: uncoordinated mug tipping.

Warning 3: don’t get over eager to commence test 3, you will end up with coffee on your shirt.

Complication: looking like a noob.

Failed: “lip position”. Not able to overcome complitation “looking like a noob”.

AbsorbedL ~10ml of coffee.

Test 4: drinking through a straw

To test “drinking through a straw” I will drink a mugga through a straw.

Complication: too hyper to focus on test 4.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!