8-SEPT-2010 TOMATOES

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I planted my Grandads tomatoes,

Which is the perfect newsletter subject for this week,

As they came in PUNnets!

We’d bought them a week prior - sauced from Bunnings,

So they were mighty reddy to be planted.

When I looked at the garden bed I seed where they’d go

and prepared to get a bit grubby.

Eight tomato plants was a bit mulch,

Luckily Uncle Peter had volunteered to take some,

I just hope he remembers that watering can help them grow ;)

When preparing the soil I thought Grandad did a stinky and said

“man, u’re smelly!”

But as it turns out,

It was the a-roma of the cow poo.

I dug some holes with the hose,

Then watered them in with the hoes...

I watered a little too much actually,

And the water seeped through my shoes to mah toes.

Now all that’s left to do is ketchup with him when they’re ripe for some divine sandwiches!

31-July-2010 CORAL BAY

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I went camping up North.

It was great living in the campsite and although anecks pain made it a bit intents for a few days,

The pole results are in and it was fabulous.

Despite the miserable fish catch,

Our effort can’t be debaited.

Dad was the leader,

Kept all the rods in line ready to go,

And tackled the fishless problem as best he could.

He was even available to come pass bait as required.

Maybe the fish finder is bung.

Desbite pulling up fish only to throw them back,

It was still reely exciting watching the sharks appier and attempt to steal our fish before they reached the boat.

One instance of Ellen casually winding in a fish had us waiting with baited breath,

Yet the sharks somehow managed to skipp ’er line,

Although she did scale up her winding speed towards the end.

A joke commonly played is to tug someones line when they aren’t looking,

I still claim that the time Ellen “got” me does KNOT count!

I can always tell her meagre attempt at impersonating a fish,

It’s a skill she hasn’t mastered

And usually I just give her a stern look.

It just so happened that at the SAME TIME she pulled my line,

I ACTUALLY HOOKED A FISH!

I showed a sinkering feeling for only a moment before realizing,

So while she was keeling herself laughing I was catching a triggerfish.

After hearing the whole story I’m sure you’ll all agree,

I was not fooled.

We always sea crazy things out in the boat,

I think we all shook with amazement when a whale swam beneath our boat!!!!

Quite over whelming.

The most fun we had was squid hunting,

It’s chool!

We’re suckers for calamari.

No squid for 2.5 days,

But then we developed a very effishient system -

Spotting them and frantically casting out the jigs.

The bucket was empty foar a couple of days,

But within an hour using the new technique we’d managed to fillet!

Everyone shood try it.

When I pulled in the biggest squid (hood=~40cm!),

I exclaimed “IT”S *#$*@ HUGE!!!”

to which Mum replied something about “inappropriate” and the size was “no excuse”.

She soon pulled in a squid almost as huge and gasped “*#$@ it’s so BIG!!!”.

Of course I was quick to remind her - that language is inappropriate and there was no excuse haha.

Funny funny.

It’s always fun to finnish the day telling stories over a port

Despite the hardship of spending a hull of a lot of time not catching anything,

And constantly being covered in sun tan locean,

I’d still rudder be fishing.

15-July-2010 WAXING

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I got waxed.

Thair was a little peer pressure involved,

Everyone seemed to be getting one,

Even the moon is a waxing crescent.

So I plucked up the courage,

Put aside the folly, called and made an appointment.

Thistrip has caused me pain,

At least I never bald.

I wasn’t too hairy though, it’s not like I needed to brush my legs or anything...

Ha! Knee comb!

Beecause it was my first time,

I didn’t know whether to raise or not,

But the lady was lovely, as most of them pubeably are.

I couldn’t do it however,

I don’t want to seebum.

It was quickly over, tooeasy.

The other issue with heading to a warmer climate from wintery conditions is skin tone.

Being such an avid user of locean,

Any hint of natural colour seems intangible.

U’V probably noticed.

While tanning beds cancertainly darken the skin,

Those who say it’s good for the soulare wrong in the long run,

Derrr Miss.

They also often turn out to be moles.

I had a weird dream where a boar was swimming at the beach and said

“It’s okay if you take a melon in”.

But I’m not sure what the pig ment.

Anyhow, wanting a tan before heading to the beach I’ve opted for the fake stuff.

Now I’m heading North to the sunshine!

See you epi-later!!!

16-June-2010 BORING

This week, in the world of Lisa…

This week I suddenly lost my boring job.

The amount of time I have to find a new job really bugs me.

When I first heard of the EHB program,

I literally yelled at my friend

“I would LARVA job with beetles!!!”

The reasons I was so enthusiastic to chews this job weren’t just for my interests,

But more for logical reasons too.

That didn’t prevent my friend from looking at me like I should be in the peanut gallery.

Th Ehole process was quite short and I became an Ag Dept employee.

Meeting the staff I was pleased there wasn’t any decorated bipolar sufferers,

meaning there were no high/low troops to bejewel us (Hylotrupes bajulus).

It seemed particularly apt when the car fleet supplied were Subaru Forresters.

Being an all wheel drive as opposed to 4WD,

No-one was wheely surprised that the cars sank in the sand more than a few times,

The mind BOGgles to define why AWD’s were chosen at all.

Emi and I discovered first-hand how exhausting it is digging a car out of a bog.

Possibly due to the pressure of the situation,

We began clutching at straws and made a phone call and deduced we hadn’t turned the manual wheel lock to initiate 4WD.

Tyred from our adventure we rested in a nearby park for a brake,

Before we road on.

There was a lot of plantation work in the beginning of the program,

They went out on a limb and assumed a human was capable of identifying signs of EHB atop a tree from the ground,

But when asked for proof they were stumped.

You’d think only a sap wood stick around after enduring this research,

I suppose we didn’t twig on to what was to follow,

As at this point I was still Radiataing happiness with my work and never pining for another occupation.

Even though it did take time to re-coup after a hard days work.

Needles to say,

I didn’t leave and continued to unload the cars trunk each day aiming to get to the root of the EHB infestation.

Then came the tree dissection phase.

Im sure all wood have experienced a lot of wood chopping here.

Perhaps if we were more cleaver we’d have realised

Chopping wood full of frass is nothing to be sneezed at.

Sure, there was an axe-ident here and there,

But we saw the results were worthwhile

And kindley continued.

Issues arose one day when a chainsaw was stolen,

At first management choked up,

But then grit their teeth,

Said they wouldn’t have a bar of it,

And created new filing system two stroke out the thief and make sure the equipment was stihl there when needed.

The chain of command successfully resolved the issue and were able to kick back and relax from then on.

Now I’ll talk about is the PR houses.

RATS are quite fond of acronyms and weren’t very fond of the Proxy House project.

As a little inside joke we ended up calling them PR houses,

Or proxy roofs because we saw the projects only value was in Public Relations.

You probe-ably also find it entertaining that we required so many data LOGGERS.

Despite our aversion to the experiment,

We could do nothing but solder on

And ignore the sinking feeling of wondering

“wire we doing this?”.

But we couldn’t drop the panel’s request.

We’ve only had one incident,

Where Rob hurt his head under the one of the houses.

If only he’d duct a little more.

Much later I became involved with the detector dog program

And I’ll take this opportunity to paws and reflect.

Furst of all reece and lee took the lead

With Jed Lara and Toby.

Unfortunately Toby’s skill were a little ruff ruff and he was sent back to Sydney.

Sam and Henriette enthusiastically took over and now they, Lara and Tessa endure the plantation tracks.

We still aren’t sure why, perhaps the bark puts them off,

But they still don’t have the tick of approval.

Heaven nose why we tried so hard,

It really makes no scents.

And that’s the end of the tail.

28-may-2010 CHICKEN

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I saw a chicken near the city.

It was at a set of traffic lights, my immediate reaction was

"Why does she want to cross the road here!? WHYYYYY!!!!!?"

She could have decided to go for a chicken run,

Spur of the moment,

(if that's the case she should have put a capon)

Or her little car had a flat battery.

Either way, she was waiting for the lights to be reddy.

Perhaps she was peckish and headed to the italian restaurant,

for some bocbocbocconcini pizza.

Although, there is a book cafe on the other side,

So she may have been after book worms.

I hear they have an isle of costless silverfish,

It's their free range,

Great if you don't like shelling out money for insects...

And you're a chicken.

Supposedly they're eggcellent there,

But there's a better one further down town.

That one probably wasn't o-pen yet,

Or it was, but the door was closed and she couldn't pullet open.

Just her cluck.

At least she seemed to be keeping abreast of the situation,

Taking the time to recoup and not trying to wing it,

Beakoz no-one expects to see a chicken on the road,

Even if it isa brown one.

So many possibilities, wattle she do tomorrow?!

19-may-2010 WALL

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week a man stumbled down a set of stairs opposite my office and left a rather large hole and even larger crack in the plasterboard wall.

The wally must have felt pretty selley,

As despite the heavy landing,

(I don’t want to make a crack about his weight,

So I’ll im-ply,

This guy wasn’t much of a stud)

He took off without saying a word in an attempt to keep his integrity.

Re-enacting the hole scene,

I would have expected it to render him motionless for at least a moment,

He cant have been too hurt because he didn’t even stop to stare.

Perhaps he didn’t want the situation to escalate,

OR it door-,ned on him how many forms he’d have to complete

And decided avoidance was a better way of ceiling his fate.

What a descend man.

He’s found a floor in the OSH system,

How will the OSH panel handle this one?

To what level will it go and what steps will be taken?

Will there be a partition against stairs?

Such a putty I didn’t get a picture,

The repairs are already complete - I’m not sure who will be build.

Oh well,

That’s one way to get plastered!

17-may-2010 HAIR

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week my hair went fuzzy.

I dread bad hair days,

They’re so embarrassing I could dye.

It all started when my last appointment was cut short,

Mostly because the hairdresser and I didn’t gel,

She bangs her equipment around and doesn’t put clothes on ANY of my hairs.

For ages I didn’t like how my hair turned out,

But now its growing on me.

Ill probably comb over to the same salon again,

But on the condition I have a different girl.

I don’t want special treatment,

Only to end this streak of bad hair days.

My sister has been searching for a new haircut,

Mostly styles with plait-inum blonde.

She wants a comb-ination of cutting edge styles,

She’ll wig out if it looks hairlarious,

So hopefully it works – without going to her head.

I’ve only tried something different once,

I took ages to mullet over,

And when the descissorsion was finally locked in,

I was brushed aside.

My plan was foiled

And I was left stranded.

Oh well, at least bad hair days aren’t perm-anent.

P.S. Don’t forget,as the saying goes: “don’t buy shampoo, demand real poo instead!”