9-June-2011 MUFFINS

This week, in the world of Lisa...


This week I accidentally grilled my muffins.
I've never been properly trayned in the art of muffin making,
I'm not sure it's something you can get a degree for...
And so,
Simply thought I had muffin to worry about.
Having not made them very oftin,
I decided it was batter to use a shop-bought mix.
All I needed to do was add a cup of water
(yes, that's really all),
Mix it together,
Pack it into the tins and turn on the oven.
In hindsight,
Turning the oven onto "fan" would have been helpful in shortening the cooking process.
I gave one to my housemate,
But 'er standards weren't too high :)
She also discovered if you Zappa them in the microwave,
The rays improve the underside of an undercooked muffin.
That said,
I really recommend avoiding the grill setting when cooking muffins.

27-May-2011 VIRUS

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I was a virus.

I'll byte my tongue against swearing,

And just say I wanted to ram the computer through the windows,

Only I was afraid it woud chip and I still need it.

I'd like to give you advice on how to escape being identified as a virus,

But I don't know the screen used by facebook to monitor virus attacks.

I suspect the key is to avoid posting hilarious links such as:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u011XHmYq1Q

http://www.theboredninja.com/pictures/shaved-llama-before-and-after/

and this one of a gnu I've added,

Simply so I can highlight GNU (check out his flowing mane frame-ing his body):

http://www.animal-pics.org/details.php?image_id=2730

Alas, it was too late to hit the d3l337 button.

If only FB made the dos and don'ts more clear,

Such as saying "Sir, cut this disproportionate activity out" when you're posting too many links.

It would really serve a purpose.

Barring me from my account post link sending simply aggravates,

And not being able to find any forums knowledgably diskussing the yahos virus I apparently am, Gave me very little controll.

(excuse me, leaving teh computer for a bit while IP).

So how to share entertainment without sharing links?

I don't want my mother bored,

Although I suppose I could organise to line uxorial tasks to keep her busy,

But I do believe she's out of hard wearing gloves.

Also, I'm soft where my mum's involved and that doesn't sound very fun.

That's all I have time for for now,

Don't go posting links everywhere and you won't be called a virus.

Easy PC :)

This week - Shoes

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I forgot to wear shoes to work.
I'm not sure if this happens solely to me?
For many, i would assume this has never happened.
This is,
However,
The second time it has happened to me;
And a newsletter seems the perfect platform to tell you about it :)

The first instance (although recollections differ).
I was working in a transportable building surrounded by sand -
At the Department of Ag. Let me tell you,
my colleagues were quite amused when,
After staying at a friends the night before and not returning home,
I realised I'd forgotten my steel cap boots.
That's right friends,
I had to wear pink high heels, through sand,
To a job where I chopped up wood all day.
If you're wondering,
Dirt wedges into shoes better than I'd have guessed,
So by the time 4pm came,
They were less pink and clogged up with dirt.

This time I'm working in a lovely office where I frequent heels.
Today I actually had to walk in barefoot - and my only shoes are sneakers.
I'm not sure if the shoe-name is apt,
No-one's noticed,
Or if they're holding their tongue,
But sneakers don't exactly compliment my office attire.
Perhaps they're afraid i'll sock it to them if they say anything.

If only my work places had been reversed,

It seems only yesterday (it was last week)
When I literally wor 5 pairs of shoes in one day.
Ahhh the good ol' days.

Hopefully these two occurrences will jogger my memory,
And encourage me to double check my shoe situation.

At least it's keeping me on my toes!

10-november-2010 EAR

This week, in the world of Lisa... (with the help of wikipedia)

This week my Dad had an ear operation,

It wasn’t going to improve his ‘earring though,

That’s been hammered over time.

It was incus of another infection.

So last Monday he was wheeled through the labyrinth of corridors to the operating thearter to his surgeon,

Who is an auricle in his field.

If anyone pitched the idea they shaved his whiskers it’s a beardrumour.

Unfortunately when Dad awoke he was oh-so-sickles :(

When I first heard I had a temp. panic in me’brain,

It mass toyed with our emotions.

They had to pinna few more needles in his arm,

To try and alleviate the eerie feeling,

Before deciding they deafinately needed to do another operation.

A sound decision.

So he had to eat hospital food for longer,

And I’m pretty sure they gave coles-tea-to-ma Dad.

He’s still the same old laid back Dad but helix his lips more often

And whacks his beanie on to hide his dirty hair.

(t’night is the first time i haven’t seen him wear it).

(yes, his beanie was made form a heard of sheep).

El and I gave him some helium balloons,

One had a face which we bandaged to make it cillia heehee.

Apparently after that the doctor said he’d like to meatus,

But he gave Dad the all co-co-cochlear before we were there at the same time.

Probably a good thing,

After using the supplied parking the car tillage was pricey.

Although he doesn’t quite have attic of approval he’s out of hospital now,

There’stapes lined up for him to watch,

And you canal rest assured he’s doing great.

(thanks to all the people Mum’s had inn ‘er ear constantly sending well wishes)

It’s good to have him back hear at home,

We lobe him very, very much :)

16-October-2010

This week, in the world of Lisa...

Whoops! The Melbourne Cup reminded me I never finished this!

Oh well, it's still a fascinator, I'll leave it as is :P

This week I went to the horse races.

I was feeling a little hoarse,

So the mention of drinking had me say “eek, wine!”

(it wasn’t even poured from a decanter)

And I decided not to drink or stay furlong,

Despite the gorgeous day without a hint of rein.

To be honest, I was more interested in the fashion than keeping track of the races,

I don’t mean to stirrup the horse fanatics,

But some of the outfits were a bit amazing!

There was an abundance of Foaliage in hair,

Beautiful dresses (which needed constant adjousting)

And not-so-stable sky high heels,

Sometimes considered whores shoes...

Jewellery was also abundant,

Dangly earrings seemed preferred over studs.

Not everyone dresses up though,

there were a few polo shirts.

I didn't see any bridle parties,

I'm glad they muster decided on a different venue,

or eloped.

Very soon it was time for the mane event,

I herd the trumpet track play

Which begs thequestrian,

Will I have a whinny with my bets?!

Neigh, to have a win I’d first hoof to place a bet.

They were through the gait and I blinkered and missed it,

I didn't miss a great a mount though,

I could hear the commentator over the rodeo.

18-october-2010 EYE

Dear my ugly right eye

I am requesting an answer to why?

Why must you constantly cry?

If you say you’re not sad it’s a lie,

For not a moment today were you dry.

I’d appreciate if you could please try,

To keep tears safely inside,

Yet if you choose to defy,

By continuing this salt-water supply,

I’ll increase the dose I apply

Of the solution required to pacify.

Hopefully the action will rectify,

This case of hay-fever gone awry!

16-Sept-2010 BANK

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I was inspired by a friend...

Who is tryen to design a bank with all the money kept in a safe beneath a transparent floor!

A grate and interesting idea.

I haven’t seen the dimensions,

But I’m sure there’ll be many quoins,

And to be franc,

It’s going to be flawless!
It’ll be so cool you’ll want to keep euro-n money in there,

Of course interest will be paid every quarter.

But how can a bank with the money in plain view be kept safe?

Depence if the managers let the billdings’ awesomeness go to their heads and tell tails of the safes imperviousness.

There are many movies which provide a fineanswer of why that’s a bad idea.

I suppose always cheque and take notes for improvements in security systems,

Ensuring they are kept in currency.

And they’d never teller the safes combination,

So that should be a far thing from your mind,

Nothing will be nickled and would-be robbers will leave the bank aloan.

The transparent level will be strong enough to coppa pounding and never buckle,

Therefore, two bob down will only leave you crying aloud,

“Dough! mah knee!” - and it’ll be tender for a while.

To be honest, I’m not sure of any other features of the bank other than the floor,

But I might suggest a dinah for a quick coffee or mint tea when the queues are long,

It would make cents.

A banquet probably wouldn’t be economical though.

Hopefully the waitress (“Bernadebt, she’s a doll, ah?”) won’t get counterfeet.

I might also suggest indoor plants (with many branches),

By the windows so they don’t become drupee.

I hope the banks successful and becomes a sponsor of Quidditch ;)

That’s all I have time for ATM, hope you enjoyed!

8-SEPT-2010 TOMATOES

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I planted my Grandads tomatoes,

Which is the perfect newsletter subject for this week,

As they came in PUNnets!

We’d bought them a week prior - sauced from Bunnings,

So they were mighty reddy to be planted.

When I looked at the garden bed I seed where they’d go

and prepared to get a bit grubby.

Eight tomato plants was a bit mulch,

Luckily Uncle Peter had volunteered to take some,

I just hope he remembers that watering can help them grow ;)

When preparing the soil I thought Grandad did a stinky and said

“man, u’re smelly!”

But as it turns out,

It was the a-roma of the cow poo.

I dug some holes with the hose,

Then watered them in with the hoes...

I watered a little too much actually,

And the water seeped through my shoes to mah toes.

Now all that’s left to do is ketchup with him when they’re ripe for some divine sandwiches!

31-July-2010 CORAL BAY

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I went camping up North.

It was great living in the campsite and although anecks pain made it a bit intents for a few days,

The pole results are in and it was fabulous.

Despite the miserable fish catch,

Our effort can’t be debaited.

Dad was the leader,

Kept all the rods in line ready to go,

And tackled the fishless problem as best he could.

He was even available to come pass bait as required.

Maybe the fish finder is bung.

Desbite pulling up fish only to throw them back,

It was still reely exciting watching the sharks appier and attempt to steal our fish before they reached the boat.

One instance of Ellen casually winding in a fish had us waiting with baited breath,

Yet the sharks somehow managed to skipp ’er line,

Although she did scale up her winding speed towards the end.

A joke commonly played is to tug someones line when they aren’t looking,

I still claim that the time Ellen “got” me does KNOT count!

I can always tell her meagre attempt at impersonating a fish,

It’s a skill she hasn’t mastered

And usually I just give her a stern look.

It just so happened that at the SAME TIME she pulled my line,

I ACTUALLY HOOKED A FISH!

I showed a sinkering feeling for only a moment before realizing,

So while she was keeling herself laughing I was catching a triggerfish.

After hearing the whole story I’m sure you’ll all agree,

I was not fooled.

We always sea crazy things out in the boat,

I think we all shook with amazement when a whale swam beneath our boat!!!!

Quite over whelming.

The most fun we had was squid hunting,

It’s chool!

We’re suckers for calamari.

No squid for 2.5 days,

But then we developed a very effishient system -

Spotting them and frantically casting out the jigs.

The bucket was empty foar a couple of days,

But within an hour using the new technique we’d managed to fillet!

Everyone shood try it.

When I pulled in the biggest squid (hood=~40cm!),

I exclaimed “IT”S *#$*@ HUGE!!!”

to which Mum replied something about “inappropriate” and the size was “no excuse”.

She soon pulled in a squid almost as huge and gasped “*#$@ it’s so BIG!!!”.

Of course I was quick to remind her - that language is inappropriate and there was no excuse haha.

Funny funny.

It’s always fun to finnish the day telling stories over a port

Despite the hardship of spending a hull of a lot of time not catching anything,

And constantly being covered in sun tan locean,

I’d still rudder be fishing.

15-July-2010 WAXING

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I got waxed.

Thair was a little peer pressure involved,

Everyone seemed to be getting one,

Even the moon is a waxing crescent.

So I plucked up the courage,

Put aside the folly, called and made an appointment.

Thistrip has caused me pain,

At least I never bald.

I wasn’t too hairy though, it’s not like I needed to brush my legs or anything...

Ha! Knee comb!

Beecause it was my first time,

I didn’t know whether to raise or not,

But the lady was lovely, as most of them pubeably are.

I couldn’t do it however,

I don’t want to seebum.

It was quickly over, tooeasy.

The other issue with heading to a warmer climate from wintery conditions is skin tone.

Being such an avid user of locean,

Any hint of natural colour seems intangible.

U’V probably noticed.

While tanning beds cancertainly darken the skin,

Those who say it’s good for the soulare wrong in the long run,

Derrr Miss.

They also often turn out to be moles.

I had a weird dream where a boar was swimming at the beach and said

“It’s okay if you take a melon in”.

But I’m not sure what the pig ment.

Anyhow, wanting a tan before heading to the beach I’ve opted for the fake stuff.

Now I’m heading North to the sunshine!

See you epi-later!!!

16-June-2010 BORING

This week, in the world of Lisa…

This week I suddenly lost my boring job.

The amount of time I have to find a new job really bugs me.

When I first heard of the EHB program,

I literally yelled at my friend

“I would LARVA job with beetles!!!”

The reasons I was so enthusiastic to chews this job weren’t just for my interests,

But more for logical reasons too.

That didn’t prevent my friend from looking at me like I should be in the peanut gallery.

Th Ehole process was quite short and I became an Ag Dept employee.

Meeting the staff I was pleased there wasn’t any decorated bipolar sufferers,

meaning there were no high/low troops to bejewel us (Hylotrupes bajulus).

It seemed particularly apt when the car fleet supplied were Subaru Forresters.

Being an all wheel drive as opposed to 4WD,

No-one was wheely surprised that the cars sank in the sand more than a few times,

The mind BOGgles to define why AWD’s were chosen at all.

Emi and I discovered first-hand how exhausting it is digging a car out of a bog.

Possibly due to the pressure of the situation,

We began clutching at straws and made a phone call and deduced we hadn’t turned the manual wheel lock to initiate 4WD.

Tyred from our adventure we rested in a nearby park for a brake,

Before we road on.

There was a lot of plantation work in the beginning of the program,

They went out on a limb and assumed a human was capable of identifying signs of EHB atop a tree from the ground,

But when asked for proof they were stumped.

You’d think only a sap wood stick around after enduring this research,

I suppose we didn’t twig on to what was to follow,

As at this point I was still Radiataing happiness with my work and never pining for another occupation.

Even though it did take time to re-coup after a hard days work.

Needles to say,

I didn’t leave and continued to unload the cars trunk each day aiming to get to the root of the EHB infestation.

Then came the tree dissection phase.

Im sure all wood have experienced a lot of wood chopping here.

Perhaps if we were more cleaver we’d have realised

Chopping wood full of frass is nothing to be sneezed at.

Sure, there was an axe-ident here and there,

But we saw the results were worthwhile

And kindley continued.

Issues arose one day when a chainsaw was stolen,

At first management choked up,

But then grit their teeth,

Said they wouldn’t have a bar of it,

And created new filing system two stroke out the thief and make sure the equipment was stihl there when needed.

The chain of command successfully resolved the issue and were able to kick back and relax from then on.

Now I’ll talk about is the PR houses.

RATS are quite fond of acronyms and weren’t very fond of the Proxy House project.

As a little inside joke we ended up calling them PR houses,

Or proxy roofs because we saw the projects only value was in Public Relations.

You probe-ably also find it entertaining that we required so many data LOGGERS.

Despite our aversion to the experiment,

We could do nothing but solder on

And ignore the sinking feeling of wondering

“wire we doing this?”.

But we couldn’t drop the panel’s request.

We’ve only had one incident,

Where Rob hurt his head under the one of the houses.

If only he’d duct a little more.

Much later I became involved with the detector dog program

And I’ll take this opportunity to paws and reflect.

Furst of all reece and lee took the lead

With Jed Lara and Toby.

Unfortunately Toby’s skill were a little ruff ruff and he was sent back to Sydney.

Sam and Henriette enthusiastically took over and now they, Lara and Tessa endure the plantation tracks.

We still aren’t sure why, perhaps the bark puts them off,

But they still don’t have the tick of approval.

Heaven nose why we tried so hard,

It really makes no scents.

And that’s the end of the tail.

28-may-2010 CHICKEN

This week, in the world of Lisa...

This week I saw a chicken near the city.

It was at a set of traffic lights, my immediate reaction was

"Why does she want to cross the road here!? WHYYYYY!!!!!?"

She could have decided to go for a chicken run,

Spur of the moment,

(if that's the case she should have put a capon)

Or her little car had a flat battery.

Either way, she was waiting for the lights to be reddy.

Perhaps she was peckish and headed to the italian restaurant,

for some bocbocbocconcini pizza.

Although, there is a book cafe on the other side,

So she may have been after book worms.

I hear they have an isle of costless silverfish,

It's their free range,

Great if you don't like shelling out money for insects...

And you're a chicken.

Supposedly they're eggcellent there,

But there's a better one further down town.

That one probably wasn't o-pen yet,

Or it was, but the door was closed and she couldn't pullet open.

Just her cluck.

At least she seemed to be keeping abreast of the situation,

Taking the time to recoup and not trying to wing it,

Beakoz no-one expects to see a chicken on the road,

Even if it isa brown one.

So many possibilities, wattle she do tomorrow?!